


I Have Always Been In Love

by yourtoxic_valentine



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Scientist Wrangler Darcy Lewis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22819999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourtoxic_valentine/pseuds/yourtoxic_valentine
Summary: Bucky Barnes is trying to adjust to life as not the Winter Soldier but himself. He doesn't understand why someone would want to do nice things for him, until he finally does.OrFive times Darcy Lewis does something for Bucky and the one time he decides to turn the tables.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Darcy Lewis, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 63
Kudos: 475





	1. March

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the song "I Have Always Been In Love" by David Hodges. Inspiration struck from the first time I heard it, and thanks to the encouragement of my wonderful best friend and beta, treaddelicately.

There were a few things that Bucky Barnes missed from the 30s and 40s, but he was pretty damn sure that coffee was not one of them. He had a hip leaned on the counter as he sipped from one of the mugs that was left in the cabinet, keeping one eye on the doorway as he indulged in adding some of the hazelnut syrup that had been left out on the counter to the mug. He hadn’t been sure of what to make of all the choices the first time he mentioned to Steve that he wanted a cup of coffee. He had tried the almond milk that his best friend preferred but didn’t like the aftertaste. So when Steve brought up the topic of coffee and how it was best during one of Darcy Lewis’s Pop Culture Nights that he had been drug to, he was more than shocked at how vehement and opinionated people could be about coffee. Several people immediately stated that it was best left as it was straight from the pot, but he heard others mention everything from creamers (Thor insisted that smores coffee creamer was the best), to sugar, to flavored syrups, and several that insisted coffee was overrated and didn’t drink it.

While he was initially amused at how everyone insisted their way was better, the loudness got to him rather quickly, and he retreated from the common area for some quiet. The next morning when he got up and made his way to the kitchen area, the only one in there was Natasha. He wasn’t sure what to make of the redhead, since she watched him constantly, but he was sure of three things about her. One, she was deadlier than she looked. Two, she knew and understood why he still blamed himself for the things the Winter Soldier did. And three, she was head over heels for his best friend. It caught him off guard though when she opened a cabinet and silently handed him a bottle of hazelnut syrup that was hidden after adding some to her own coffee, since Clint had insisted that Natasha was team black (like her soul).

Once Natasha slipped out of the kitchen, Bucky was left alone with his thoughts as he sipped at his coffee and stepped more into the corner when he heard footsteps. Eyeing Darcy carefully when she walked into the kitchen, he was almost relieved when she didn’t try to talk to him, and simply held her hand up in greeting before grabbing a massive coffee mug and filling it from the pot. His gaze stayed on her as she moved to the table and a pile of papers, watching as she dug into her pocket and put something in her ears. Frowning some in concentration, he followed the cord down to a small rectangle laying on the table and with his enhanced hearing, he could hear the faint strains of some kind of music. From the way that her body was swaying slightly, he figured out that the music was coming from the things in her ears. His gaze stayed on the tiny woman, watching the way that her hair swayed with her body, and jumped when Steve suddenly clapped his hand on his arm.

“Happy-“ Bucky immediately reached up with his free hand and slapped it over Steve’s mouth.

“No. No, we are not doing that.” He felt a small pang at the look on Steve’s face, but refused to let himself feel guilty.

He had seen the way that the Avengers celebrated birthdays, and knew that he was definitely not up for lots of loud talking and singing and a crowd. He simply couldn’t handle it, and refused to put himself in that position. He missed the way that Darcy stilled for a moment, more focused on making sure that Steve kept his mouth shut.

“Fine, fine. Come on then. Let’s go train.” Steve finally nodded and turned to head out of the kitchen.

Bucky finished his mug of coffee and washed it before setting it on the drying rack. He knew that he could have just rinsed it and left it since kitchen duty wasn’t his this week, but his mother would have killed him for leaving a mess for someone else to clean up. Wiping his hands off on his tac pants, he turned to head out of the kitchen, stiffening for a moment when he felt someone watching him. Glancing back at Darcy, he tilted his head when she was looking down at the papers, but had a feeling she was watching him out of the corner of her eye between strands of her hair.

He wasn’t surprised to find Steve waiting at the elevators, and shoved his left hand into his pocket, ignoring the faint pulling of the cybernetic arm. It hadn’t been the same since the Winter Soldier had fought Steve on the helicarrier, and Bucky knew that if it was gone, he would probably feel better. Especially with those damn words still swirling around in his head, just waiting for someone to say them and take control of his mind again. He knew Stark had made some comments about calling in some favors from some other country but Bucky was just wary about anyone getting too close to his mind.

“Come on, Buck. Why don’t you want anyone to know it’s your birthday?” Steve at least waited until the elevator doors were shut. “I mean, it is public knowledge, so if someone wanted to know…”

“I know, I get that. But, Steve… I can’t. I can’t be around a crowd and the focus of attention and everything. I’d rather this just be a normal day, nothing exciting, nothing crazy. That’s all I want.”

“Alright, I get it. I just… they’re good people, Buck. Just give them a chance.”

“I’m working on it. I really am. But I just need some space sometimes, too.”

Steve simply nodded, and Bucky followed him off the elevator and into one of the training rooms, wanting, more needing to feel the burn of a good workout. It was one of the only times that he didn’t feel like a monster, and enjoyed being around some of the others if they were working out as well.

It was easy to lose track of time while working out, even if his left shoulder was bothering him by the end of the two-hour workout that he followed Steve through. Rolling it slightly, he headed into the shower and washed up, tying his hair back in a bun at the nape of his neck. Pulling on fresh tac pants and a t-shirt, he made his way to the elevator alone, since Steve had turned about eight shades of purple then vanished after he got a text message. He assumed it was from Natasha but wasn’t about to open that can of worms and ask. Not if it made Captain America turn redder than one of Stark’s suits. Heading into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, he paused when he saw the covered dish sitting on the counter, with a note propped against it with his name on the front. Glancing around the empty kitchen warily, he grabbed the note and flipped it open.

_‘Bucky, I know you don’t like crowds, and for some crazily unknown reason, I also know you don’t like cake, but you really seemed to like this the last time I made it, so… Happy Birthday. -Darcy’_

Blinking a few times, Bucky folded the note up and tucked it in his pocket before lifting the cover up. The smell hit him before the light hit the banana bread on the plate. A faint smile tugged up the corners of his mouth, and he picked up the plate, turning to head to his apartment. Holding the plate tightly, he turned slightly to pass Clint as the archer started to come into the room.

“Hey! Is that banana bread?” His eyes lit up immediately at the smell.

“Yeah. And it’s mine, so get your own.” Bucky smirked at the other man, heading down the hall and quickly locking his door, planning to indulge himself with a few slices of his own birthday banana bread.


	2. April

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for one of Darcy's Pop Culture Nights!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you everyone for the pretty much overwhelming response to the first chapter! I'm so glad everyone seems to love this, because I do too. Another huge thank you to the best best friend and beta I could ask for, treaddelicately. I hope you guys love this chapter as much as you did the last.

Bucky wasn’t exactly sure how, but Steve had convinced him to give Darcy’s Pop Culture Night another try. He was getting better about being around people, but always had to sit with his back to a wall, and the exits in his visual field. Stark had finally gotten confirmation that some crazy genius kid from a place called Wakanda was willing to help with the triggers in his mind, and they would be arriving in New York within the next month. Until then, he was still confined to the tower, and usually had someone around him like Steve or Stark himself when he wasn’t in his apartment.

But Steve was already sitting on a chair in the common area, with Natasha perched on his lap, whispering in his ear and making him blush. Stark was arguing with Banner about some science stuff that Bucky didn’t really understand, and Clint hadn’t made his appearance yet, along with Thor. Which left him in the kitchen with Darcy and Jane.

Both women were pretty, but he found himself still watching Darcy as she argued with the older woman about how to build the perfect Pop Tarts smores while the popcorn popped in the microwave. Bucky considered it a victory that he didn’t jump when the kernels began bursting, and simply leaned back more against the counter, fascinated by the way that Darcy’s hair when she waved her arms around as she argued her case.

“Tell her I’m right, Buckster!” Darcy reached over to tap his right arm, immediately drawing his attention.

“I,uh, wait. Buckster?” He blinked several times, caught off guard completely.

“It’s a nickname. I’m trying it out for you. Now tell Jane I’m right and three Pop Tarts makes a perfect sandwich with the marshmallows between them.”

“Probably not the best person to ask, doll. Don’t think I’ve ever had something like that.”

Bucky counted it as another victor that he managed to give the woman a small smile. The old Bucky would have been charming and probably sided with her even without knowing, just to try and coax her into a kiss, and while Darcy Lewis’s lips looked very kissable, he knew that he was more apt to choke the life out of her than kiss her. And that was a risk that he simply couldn’t take.

“Hey, can you get that for me?” Darcy’s voice broke through his thoughts, making him jolt and stand upright. “The bowl. I can’t reach it without climbing, but you should be able to.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Bucky immediately moved over, reaching up to grab the giant bowl that she pointed at.

After getting the bowl down, he headed into the common area, hesitating in the doorway as he tried to figure out where to sit. Steve and Natasha were curled up, his best friend still a deep shade of red. Clint had made some kind of cushion and pillow fort with a blanket. Stark and Banner were still deep in discussion. Thor had claimed a couch obviously for himself, Jane, and Darcy. Sam had come in and was sitting on the loveseat with Maria, his hand rubbing her shoulder. Frowning a bit to himself, he grabbed a blanket, and settled near the couch on the floor, wrapping the blanket around himself. It was cooler than he liked it in the common area, but he figured that he would be okay with the blanket, and there was a pile of them if he wanted another.

“What are we watching, Darcy?” Natasha finally stopped whispering in Steve’s ear to look at the other woman.

“One of the classics. 10 Things I Hate About You.” Darcy beamed as she pressed play. “Pop Tart Smores and popcorn are ready. Everyone dig in.”

Bucky eyed the food piled on the coffee table, and simply leaned back against the couch some, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself, but kept his left arm free. He didn’t want the pressure of the blanket on his shoulder, and he wanted t keep one arm free, even though logically, he knew that there wouldn’t be anyone stupid enough to attack the tower. Not with all of the Avengers in residence.

It didn’t take long for the story to pull Bucky in, a faint smile twitching at his lips at some of the banter, jolts of surprise at how casually some things were mentioned. He was pretty sure this was the first time he ever heard the word placenta actually spoke out loud outside of a basic anatomy class, and a quick glance at Steve turning red told him he wasn’t alone in his surprise. Leaning forward some, he barely noticed when Darcy passed him one of the Pop Tart smores, methodically eating it before he realized that he hadn’t checked it over as he normally did food prepared by someone else.

It was also about that time that he realized Darcy wasn’t watching the movie. Or, at least, she wasn’t completely focused on it. He could feel her gaze on him, and he simply hunched more into the blanket after grabbing his water bottle and took a drink. He still didn’t know what to think about the brunette. She never seemed scared of him, and often turned her back while they were in the same room, and she seemed to know that he wasn’t big on talking, and never tried to push him to talk to her.

But he wasn’t sure if it was just who she was as a person, or if maybe Stark had told her to speak as little as possible to him, since half the people in the tower were afraid he would end up flipping into the Winter Soldier again and killing everyone, or at least trying to. Shaking his head some, he worked at pushing those thoughts out of his head, finding it easy to distract himself with the movie again. Leaning forward some, he found himself drawn in again, becoming more and more invested in the movie as it continued, to the point that he didn’t even realize Darcy was watching him again.

Jolting as the credits started, he slowly stretched, wincing at the plates in his cybernetic arm readjusted and the metal dug more into his shoulder. Shrugging out of the blanket, he stood up, frowning as everyone seemed to file out of the room, talking amongst themselves until only he and Darcy were left in the room. Watching as she began cleaning up, he sighed, shooting a look at Steve’s back as he disappeared, and folded the blanket that he had been using, adding it to the pile that she had started. Gathering up the empty dishes and some of the trash, he started for the kitchen.

“I can get that. You can go on back to your apartment if you want.” Darcy called after him as she lifted some of the blankets to put up.

“Go faster if I help. Besides, my ma would have my ass if I didn’t help.” He gave her a faint smile as he tossed the trash away and set the dishes down.

Heading back to finish grabbing glasses, he watched as she put the blankets in the closet, making a note of it mentally, since he wanted to grab a couple more to take back to his apartment. Walking back into the kitchen, he quickly washed up the dishes, and nodded when Darcy told him that she was done cleaning up. Setting the last glass in the drainer, he dried his hands off, and shut the lights out in the kitchen.

Starting down the hall, he froze when he saw two of the fleece blankets folded neatly outside his apartment door with a piece of paper on top of them. Warily, he bent over to pick up the blankets, and flipped the paper over.

_‘Bucky- saw you looking at these when I started to put them away, figured I would save you the trip instead of you having to hunt them down. Stay warm. -Darcy’_

A faint smile spread across his lips as he unlocked the door and headed inside his warm apartment, still not sure what to make of Darcy, but he wasn’t going to say no to extra blankets.


	3. May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky trains with Steve and Nat, meets Shuri, and has a shirt incident resulting in him having few clothes left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! I apologize for the delay in updating, but... life, dude. I had some health/mental health issues, baby issues, and don't get me started on being in healthcare right now. Anyway, thank you all so much for sticking with me, the kudos and comments, they all mean so much to me! As always, thank you so much to my best friend and beta, treaddelicately.

Bucky wasn’t exactly sure when Natasha had decided to trust him, or if the Russian actually did, but she had been joining in the last few training sessions between him and Steve, calling comments on form, or teasing Steve. But this time, she had actually stayed on the mat and offered to work with him, with the dulled knives that Stark had provided. Steve was shit when it came to fighting with knives, but Natasha proved pretty quickly that whatever training she had been through had included this. He was just working up a good sweat when he dodged one of her swipes only to hear the sound of ripping fabric.

Looking down, he realized that the sound was his shirt, which was now ripped from just below his right shoulder all the way to his left hip. Sighing a bit, Bucky thought for a moment, and realized that he was down to about two shirts now, and three pairs of pants. He wasn’t sure where to get clothes from the compound, but was hesitant to ask anyone at the same time.

“Sorry.” There was a wry smile on Natasha’s face as she took a small step back off of the mat.

“It’s okay. This was old, anyways.” He tugged at the shirt some which only ripped it more. “I, uh, I’m gonna go change, then I have to meet that Shuri girl.”

“Buck, you don’t have to run off. I can grab you another shirt from my locker.” Steve looked almost guilty as he watched him.

“Nah, it’s okay. I don’t to be late to start working on those triggers.”

Moving over to grab his water bottle, he noticed Natasha texting someone on her phone. Sighing as he looked at the ruin of his shirt again, he started to pull it off, and at the last second stopped, leaving it draped over the scars at his left shoulder. He knew it was probably irrational to be self-conscious about them, but he just didn’t want anyone else seeing them. Making his way out of the training area, he headed into an elevator, draining his water bottle as he rode up the tower. Making his way into the kitchen area, he grabbed the pitcher from the fridge and began filling his water bottle, only to turn when he heard something crash to the floor.

“You okay, Darcy?” He raised an eyebrow at the brunette woman, who was quickly picking up her coffee mug from the ground.

“Oh, uh, yeah, I’m fine. Clumsy me.” She gave him a cheeky grin, and moved over to refill the mug. “Didn’t realize you were going to be walking around showing off all the muscles and everything.”

“Huh? Oh, not intentionally. Natasha cut my shirt during a spar so I’m heading to change and go meet Shuri in the lab.”

He wasn’t surprised when she simply nodded, and his gaze moved over her once quickly, lingering on the fall of hair running down her back. He was pretty sure she hadn’t trimmed it or anything since he came to the tower, and it was starting to just brush right above her ass, which always led his gaze to that particular piece of anatomy.

Giving Darcy one more hesitant smile, he grabbed his water bottle and made his way to his apartment. Tossing the shirt reluctantly into the trash, he sighed as he grabbed one of the last two shirts in the drawer and pulled it over his head. Glancing in the mirror, he pulled his hair back into a bun at the nape of his neck. Making his way out of the apartment, he took the elevator to the lab level. Heading down the hallway, he eyed the lab door for a moment before pushing open the door.

“Hello?” His nerves were only increasing as he edged into the room.

“Hello, Sergeant Barnes.” The musical voice came from behind one of the banks of screens.

“Bucky.” The nickname came out automatically as he moved towards where the voice had come from.

He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting from the Wakandan princess, but the tiny girl with a pile of braids on top of her head wasn’t exactly it. She barely looked older than a child, but was competently working Stark’s machines like she’d been trained on them.

“Bucky then. I am Shuri. I’m very happy to meet you.” There was an infectious smile on the girl’s face as she moved to stand in front of him. “I promise, this will be painless.”

A nervous laugh escaped Bucky’s lips as he let the girl lead him over to a chair and sat down slowly. Leaning back some, he glanced around curiously at the screens.

“I hope so. Stark… he said you can do this. You can get rid of what they put in my head.” There was an almost hopeful note to his voice.

“Oh, of course I can. You will not be their puppet any longer.” She made her way over to one of the screens, sliding things around quickly. “You just need to sit here. Today, I am only taking images of your brain, so that I can run simulations. I want to make sure that I do not damage your memories when I remove the triggers.”

Bucky leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes while the sound of machines and Shuri working filled the air.

“I have only met a few of the others here in the tower. Captain Rogers, of course. And Agent Romanoff, they seem to always be together. Mr. Stark and Dr. Banner seem relatively intelligent.”

There was something relaxing about Shuri carrying on a conversation while he sat there, and he couldn’t hep but angle slightly so that he could see the little princess.

“Yeah, they’re pretty smart. Smartest ones I’ve ever met.” He chuckled some.

“Oh, I am smarter.” There was a confidence in Shuri’s voice that he almost envied. “I met Darcy as well. I like her.”

He jolted some at the mention of Darcy, and instantly, the image of her in the kitchen earlier was in his mind. Darcy in her shorts and tank top, bare legs and hair down. He couldn’t deny that he was attracted to her, but knew that she was way too good for someone so damaged as him.

“Darcy, yeah, she’s nice.” He rubbed the back of his neck some. “She spends a lot of time in the labs, so I’m not surprised you met her. She’s Jane’s wrangler or assistant or something.”

“She told me to be nice to you. Are you two together?”

“What? No, I- I mean, she and-“ Bucky sputtered the words out, completely caught off guard. “No. No we’re not together.”

Shuri only laughed at his reaction, and pressed a few buttons on the screen, obviously having no difficulty with multitasking between talking to him and running her equipment. Shaking his head some, he eyed her a bit, then jolted at the image of his own face and head on the screen.

“I have what I need for today, Bucky. You do not have to sit there any longer.” There was an almost teasing look on Shuri’s face as she moved around to stand by him. “Perhaps, give me a few days, and I will let you know when I am ready to begin. I want to do this quickly for you, but I want to make sure it works.”

“I understand. You just take your time, because I want it to work too.” He gave the younger girl a smile as he stood up, brushing his hands off on the tac pants.

Making his way back to the elevators, he pressed the button for his floor, and shoved his cybernetic hand into his pocket. Glancing into the kitchen out of habit, he wasn’t surprised to see Darcy sitting at the table, surrounded by papers, the ever present coffee cup in her hand. Shaking his head some at the memory of Shuri asking if he and Darcy were together, he made his way down the hall, pausing at the rather large box sitting in front of his door. Hesitantly moving over, he saw his name scrawled on it in Darcy’s now familiar handwriting, and scanned into his room before picking it up.

Grunting a little from the weight, he carried the box inside and set it down, opening it to find a note laying on the top of what looked to be a large pile of clothing.

_‘Bucky,_

_I hope this isn’t too forward or weird or I don’t know…. Majorly stalker creepy. But you need new clothes, dude. The tac pants and shirt work for you, but you need more than that. If the sizing isn’t right, I can show you how to send it back to get it right. And it’s not weird that I included socks and underwear, right? I’m going to go with right._

_Darcy’_

A faint smile played at his lips as he set the note aside, and started pulling out clothes curiously. In the box were jeans and dress pants, sweatpants and shorts, t-shirts, thermals, long sleeve shirts, jackets, socks, and two packages of something called boxer briefs, as well as a few pairs of pajama pants. In the bottom of the box was a new pair of boots and a pair of tennis shoes. Gathering all of them up, he carried them into the bedroom, putting them away in the drawers of the dresser, and hanging up the nicer things in the closet. The boots and tennis shoes went in the bottom of the closet, and when Bucky stepped back, he realized that it looked more like someone actually lived in the apartment now. Shaking his head some, he chuckled to himself, wondering what he had done to make Darcy Lewis notice him.


	4. June

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky decides it's time for another change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! 8 days off of work for me means I've been going a little crazy, and had more time to write than I anticipated, so here is the latest chapter. Thank you all so much for all your continued support! I can't believe this is almost done- just two more chapters! As always, thank you to my amazing best friend and beta treaddelicately for pushing me and supporting me and listening when I go off on tangents. I will be working on the next chapter soon, and want to go ahead and warn that there will be a trigger warning for panic attacks on the next chapter. Please enjoy!

Bucky felt free. For the first time in seventy years, his mind was his own, completely. He still didn’t fully understand what Shuri had done, or how everything had worked, despite the tiny girl explaining several times, but he was grateful, nonetheless. He no longer had the fear of Hydra appearing and turning him into a robotic killing machine with a few words. Now, he simply had to figure out how to keep living with just one arm.

After realizing that the cybernetic arm was causing him pain, even shooting small electrical jolts into his shoulder and chest, Shuri had offered to remove it, and create him a different arm. The removal, he had accepted in a heartbeat, wanting the last reminders of Hydra gone from him. However, he was still hesitant about having a new arm, because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to actually fight any longer. Steve assured him that he didn’t have to, that he wasn’t expected to, but he knew that of anyone, he had the most knowledge of Hydra, and how they operated.

Standing in the kitchen, Bucky bit his lower lip as he poured himself a cup of coffee, pouring in the hazelnut syrup he had come to love. Leaning a hip on the counter, he took a sip of the coffee, gaze moving over to the table where Darcy was sprawled across, Jane across the table from her. Books and papers littered the table, mixed with Pop-Tart wrappers and empty energy drink cans, telling the tale of a late-night work session that ended in the kitchen. A faint smile crossed his lips when her hair fell across her face.

“Hey, Buck. You ready?” Steve poked his head in the doorway, Natasha his ever-present shadow behind him. “Training room is open. Sam’s down there too.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Sure.” He jolted as his gaze tore from the sleeping woman to his best friend.

Bucky shoved his hand in his pocket as they headed down to the training level. Moving off to the side while Natasha went to talk to Sam, he reached up to push his hair back. Reaching into the pocket of his sweatpants, he grabbed a hair elastic, and finally managed to get his hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, with strands already falling down. Sighing, he gave his best friend an almost pleading look.

“Think you could cut my hair? This mess… I can’t do anything with it with one hand. I didn’t mind it so much when I had both hands to pull it back.” Bucky grumbled some. “But also… I want it gone. Hydra never cared, they just pulled me out and shoved me back in. Kinda miss the shorter hair.”

“I’d be happy to, Buck, but I can’t cut hair. I’d probably butcher it.” Steve looked almost sheepish.

“Who cuts your hair then? Natasha?” He really wasn’t sure if he would trust the redhead with sharp objects near his head, even if Steve clearly trusted her beyond anyone.

“No, uh…” Steve actually turned several shades of red.

“Darcy cuts his hair for him. I just help him shave.” Natasha smirked as she stepped up next to him. “Come on. Are we here to discuss playing beauty shop, or here to train?”

Bucky wasn’t sure what was going on between the pair, but he _really_ didn’t want to know why the talk about shaving made Steve turn red. Shaking his head some, rolled his good shoulder before heading for the training mats, wanting to see if he was still able to handle himself with only one arm.

Several new bruises and a shower later, Bucky found himself back in the kitchen, his still damp hair leaving a wet mark on his shirt. Grabbing a glass, he filled it with water from the fridge and took a long drink. He knew that Darcy would be in there soon, since her iPod was still laying on the kitchen table, with the papers and books in neater piles now. Just as he leaned against the counter, the brunette bounced into the kitchen area, her hair piled up on her head in a bun.

“Hey, Buckster! Were you waiting for me?” He was dazzled by the bright grin on her face.

“Uh, yeah, actually. Steve said you cut hair.” He tried to keep the flush from spreading from his neck. “I was hoping maybe you’d help me with this.”

“Wait. You want me to help you cut your hair? Really?” Both of Darcy’s eyebrows shot up. “Finally. I thought you were going to try and pull off the broody hobo look forever. Come on.”

The bun on her head bounced as she spun, and Bucky simply tightened his hold on the water bottle, following her out of the kitchen area. He was more surprised when she led him down the hall and swiped into what was obviously her apartment. Hesitating, he stepped inside, not surprised at all by the brightness of the decorations, or the music still playing. Taking a slow breath to keep himself calm, he realized that the scent he always associated with her, a fresh, bright, orangey citrus scent was prominent, and he tracked it to a diffuser sitting on a table.

“Just grab one of the chairs and take it to the kitchen. That’s where I usually get Steve’s hair.” Darcy called out as she headed down the hall.

“Sure thing, doll.” The words rolled off his tongue almost casually as he set his water bottle down, and grabbed a chair from the table, carrying it easily into the little kitchen area in the apartment.

He had just sat down in it when Darcy reappeared with a bag, and started laying out scissors and clippers. Settling back some, he closed his eyes as she tossed the drape around him before nearly jumping out of the chair when her fingers ran through his hair.

“Easy, Bucky. Sorry, I forgot you’re not used to being touched.” Her hands immediately backed off, and he could hear the apology in her voice.

“Yeah, uh, it’s okay. I should have expected it. Not many people want to touch the brainwashed assassin.” There was a faint wry grin on his face.

“Former brainwashed assassin. You’re not that person anymore. And anyone who judges you by that past… well, they’re stupid. Because you’re not a monster. You’re a man who was tortured and had your mind controlled by crazy Nazi Russians.”

More than a little caught off guard, Bucky turned slightly in the chair to eye Darcy, not surprised when she simply gave him a grin. Leaning back once more, he braced himself not to jump when her fingers ran through his hair.

“So… can I have free reign? Because I don’t think you and Steve want the same hairstyle, and I have an idea. If you hate it, I can always do something different.”

“Whatever you think works, doll. You’re the one doing it.”

Hearing her pleased noise, Bucky closed his eyes, letting himself be lulled into relaxation by the steady sound of the scissors working through his hair. He moved his head as Darcy nudged him, growing more and more used to the feel of her fingers on his scalp, his neck, and the way she would move him. The warm, citrus scent seemed to surround him with as close as she was, and when she leaned over to switch to the clippers, her body brushed against his right arm, sending almost an electrical shock straight through him.

“Darcy.” His voice was almost a warning, not trusting the feelings rolling through his body.

“Oh, stop. You’re just going to have to realize that not all of us think you’re dangerous or scary. And that maybe some of us might like you.”

Darcy’s voice was so matter of fact that Bucky couldn’t even think of a response to it. The idea that maybe she was interested in him was terrifying, considering the panic attacks and nightmares that still consumed him sometimes, when he would wake up and blankets or pillows would be ripped. All he could see was Darcy injured because he let her in close.

“And maybe you just don’t see the monster that I really am.” His voice was low and quiet.

Surprisingly, she didn’t answer him, and simply kept working on his hair. When the clippers switched off, she set them down and moved around to where she was standing in front of him.

“I don’t see you as a monster. And it’s not fair to you, or to the others here that you continue to see yourself as one.”

“You haven’t seen what I can do. And I hope you never do.”

Bucky tried to ignore the look on Darcy’s face as he stood up, taking the drape off carefully. And in a move that would have left his mother boxing his ears until he couldn’t hear, he grabbed his water bottle and walked out of the apartment without offering to help her clean up. Hurrying to shut himself in his own apartment, he took several deep breaths to try and calm down, swearing under his breath when he realized that his clothes now smelled like Darcy.

Sighing quietly, he made his way into the bathroom, and glanced in the mirror, more than surprised with his new look. She had left his hair a little longer on top, long enough for him to move around with his fingers, but shorter on the sides and in the back so that he wouldn’t have to struggle with keeping it out of his face one handed. He looked… normal, despite the one arm missing and the still-haunted look in his eyes.

He still didn’t understand why, why she was being so nice to him. Why she seemed determined to make him see that he wasn’t a monster.

Why she didn’t see the monster that he saw in his soul.


	5. July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has a new arm, a free mind, and he's about to head out on his first mission with the Avengers. But is he as ready as he thinks he is? TW: panic attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, as always, a huge thank you to my best friend and amazing beta, treaddelicately, because let me tell you people, she's pushing and encouraging me and I couldn't be more thankful to have her as a friend. Thank you to all of you who have stuck it out, for your comments and kudos. I hope you enjoy the penultimate chapter of this little saga.

Bucky was doing his best to focus. Maria was detailing out the plan, the latest information they had gathered, and where they were pretty sure the scepter they were searching for was. He didn’t fully understand it, just that Hydra had it, and it was used for mind control. That alone sent shivers down his spine. It was less than a month since Shuri had figured out how to break the triggers in his mind. Less than a month that he had been free of that hold on him. Less than a month since he had gotten to be free, and now he was going to willingly walk into a Hydra stronghold.

“Bucky, you okay?” Steve’s voice broke into his thoughts, and he glanced at the monitor for a moment before over at his best friend.

“I’m fine.” He gave a short nod, rolling his shoulders.

He was still getting used to being free of the pain of his old cybernetic arm as well. This new arm that Shuri had created was lighter, but seemed to move easier and was more sensitive than he was used to. Rubbing his hand over his face, he pushed back from the table and stood up as the others did as well.

“Fifteen until wheels up. Meet up in the hangar.” Maria closed out the monitors, stepping out of the way to let the team head out of the conference room.

“I need a water. I’ll catch up.” Bucky waved off Steve, heading the opposite way of everyone else.

He could feel a pressure building in his chest and needed to get away from everyone else before it consumed him. He knew that if they saw him having a panic attack, they would pull him from the mission. He had an innate need to do this, to prove himself, and to prove himself worthy of everything they had all done for him.

He stumbled out of the elevator near the kitchen, his breathing already going shallower, his vision starting to tunnel. His hand groped for the wall, trying to hold himself up as he moved towards his room. His breathing started coming in harder pants, each breath harder to force out than the last.

“Bucky?” Darcy’s voice sounded far away through the fog surrounding his mind.

Opening his mouth, he tried to tell her that he was fine, trying to keep her away from him, but couldn’t get the words out. His breathing grew harsher, the pressure in his chest building until it felt like his chest was going to explode. Sweat broke out across his forehead as he kept trying to stumble down the hallway to hide in his room.

“Hey, hey, Bucky. Bucky, wait.” It sounded like Darcy was under water, even though he knew logically she was close.

He stopped moving when he ran into something, realizing that it was her when her hands moved up to frame his face. Her face was swimming in front of him, blurred and unfocused, and he knew that he was going to end up passing out yet. 

“I can’t breathe. Can’t breathe.” He gasped the words out, chest heaving with the effort.

“Yes, you can. I’ve got you, Bucky.” Her voice was soothing as her thumbs stroked over his cheeks. 

One hand dropped to grab one of his, guiding it to her chest, and pressing his palm flat in the center. Barely, just barely, he could feel the steady beat beneath his hand. His other hand instinctively lifted, curling around her wrist to anchor himself to her. His heart still felt like it was going to pound out of his chest, his lips starting to go numb and tingle from how hard he was breathing.

“Shh, you’re okay, Bucky, I promise. Feel my heartbeat? You feel that nice and steady? Just feel it. Slow breaths, okay? Hold onto me.”

His vision was slowly starting to clear and he was able to focus on Darcy’s face more. His hand tightened on her wrist as he struggled to even out the ragged breaths heaving from his chest. Her delicate fingers kept rubbing over his cheekbones, the touch anchoring him more and drawing him slowly from the panic. His heartbeat slowly worked at returning to normal, no longer pounding and causing the rushing sound in his ears.

“Hey, Buckster. You back with me now?” Her voice was quiet as she looked up at him.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” He breathed the words out.

He wasn’t sure if it was instinct or what, but before he could think about it, he leaned down, pressing his forehead to hers and closing his eyes for a moment. Her hand slipped up from his face, fingers twisting lightly in his hair as her other arm wrapped around him. He slowly moved his hand from her chest, around to her back until his fingers could tangle in her hair, stroking the silky strands through his fingers. 

The five minute warning signal sounded through the building and he sighed, slowly letting go of her and taking a step back. His gaze found hers easily, his stomach almost churing at the care and affection he could see in her eyes.

“I have to go. Sokovia. Hydra.” He shoved a hand through his hair, steeling himself to go get on the Quinjet.

“I heard. Be careful?” She tilted her head some, as if she was unsure if she was supposed to say the words.

Bucky only gave her a nod, turning and heading back to the elevator. Heading to the hangar, he kept his gaze ahead as he walked onto the Quinjet, heading straight to the weapons lockers to inspect the weapons that were tucked in the drawer with his name on it. As he lifted his vibranium hand, the long strand of dark hair caught his eye. Carefully, he pulled it from between two plates in his arm and slowly twisted it around his fingers before pushing it in his pocket. 

Taking a piece of Darcy on the mission was probably the best idea he’d heard all day.


	6. August

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky finally comes to a realization, and decides that it's time to do something about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. The final chapter. I can't thank everyone enough for the kudos, the comments, the support. It all means so much to me. Of course, a huge thank you as always to my best friend and beta, treaddelicately, for her support and encouragement, and the creation of the beautiful moodboard at the beginning to help kick me off right for this chapter. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed writing it!

Bucky stood in the kitchen of the common area, leaning against the counter, and watching the popcorn pop in the microwave. He could hear the others in the main area, setting up for another one of Darcy’s movie nights, and he felt a warmth in his chest at the realization that not only had the compound become home, but these people had become his family.

Sure, he and Sam still picked at each other, and the current prank war was getting out of hand (his team was winning, especially with the help of their newest additions). But other than that, the team no longer tip-toed around him. They would seek him out like they did anyone else, and include him in their everyday conversations. It was something that he had never expected to happen again in his life.

And then there was Darcy.

Ever since the day she brought him out of a panic attack, he had realized that he felt so damn comfortable around her, like she was his own personal ray of sunshine. Leaning against the counter, he glanced up when he heard someone come into the kitchen and as cliche as it was, his heart skipped a beat when he saw that it was Darcy. The moment she flashed a smile at him, he realized two very important facts. One, it had been more than seventy years since he’d even thought about kissing a girl. And two, he was in love with Darcy Lewis.

“How’s that popcorn, Bucky bear?” She moved closer to him, her body brushing against his when she reached for the large bowl in the cabinet by him.

“Uh, about done, actually.” He pressed the button to open the microwave, and dumped the bag into the bowl when she held it out.

“Thanks! Come on, we’re starting the movie, and you don’t want to miss listening to Clint whine the whole time. I picked Lord of the Rings.”

“That’s the sequel to The Hobbit, right? I read that.”

“Yeah, I figured we could watch the original trilogy, and then double back to watch The Hobbit movies. The three for Lord of the Rings alone takes eleven and a half hours for the extended cuts.”

Bucky had the thought that he wouldn’t mind sitting and watching movies with Darcy for that long, but simply chuckled and shook his head, grabbing his bottle of water and following her into the main common area.

Once again, he was struck by the way everyone seemed to have paired off lately. Steve and Nat were tucked in their usual chair back in the corner while Tony and Pepper had commandeered one close to the movie screen along with Bruce. Clint had his normal nest built not too far from Natasha, but he was no longer alone in it, and Wanda was already curled up with an amused look on her face. The reason for her amusement was Pietro on the couch with Shuri, trying to catch the pieces of popcorn that Shuri tossed, that immediately were wrapped in red and moved away from his mouth. Sam was stretched out on the floor, carefully sliding a Stark tablet away from Maria. Carol and Thor were in deep discussion about something on a couch while Jane and T’Challa were across the room, equally engrossed in each other. Darcy had already sat down on the only piece of furniture left, a loveseat near the television. Debating only for a moment, Bucky made his way over and sat down next to her just as she hit play.

Relaxing back, he tried to focus on the movie, but it was so damn hard between Clint making snide comments about every single archery scene and Wanda’s admonishing noises. Not to mention the citrusy scent that he always associated with Darcy getting stronger by the second until it was the only thing he could smell. His arm shifted to rest along the back of the couch, and a little over half-way through the movie, her head was leaning back against it.

He had almost talked himself into asking Darcy on a date by the end of the movie, but the way that everyone lingered in the room made him second guess himself, and he found himself heading to his apartment alone after telling her goodnight.

The next day Bucky got up early for a run with Sam and Steve, followed by a sparring session with the two men in the gym. After a couple hours of working, he lifted his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face.

“Something’s distracting you, Steve. What’s going on?” He raised an eyebrow over at his best friend.

“I’m going to propose to Natasha.” There was an almost sheepish look on his face. “I’m still figuring out how, but I have the ring. It’s hidden. I don’t think she’s found it yet.”

“Holy shit, man. You really are serious about the Russian spy.” He couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face as he clapped him on the shoulder. “But I’m happy for you. You fit with her. The way you look whenever she’s around.”

“Like a damn whipped puppy.” Sam’s voice had a teasing note to it. “Nah, man, congratulations. I think it’s great. You two balance each other out.”

“What about you, Buck? You ever going to make a move on Darcy or are you just going to stare at her constantly?” Steve grinned over at him.

“I’m thinking about it, actually.” He rubbed the back of his neck, trying his hardest not to get too flustered. “This is a whole lot harder than I remember it being.”

“I was gonna say, weren’t you supposed to be some damn Casanova or something? Girls were always swooning over how dreamy your pictures were in history books.” Sam smirked over at him, and Bucky’s hand itched to reach over and punch him.

“Things were a whole lot different back then. Not to mention I’ve had my mind fucked with.” He shot a scowl over at him. “I want to do it, but I’m not ready to be in a crowd. And I want to do it right, make sure Darcy has a good time. I don’t even know what her favorite food is.”

“You realize who could help, right? Natasha. They’re really close, actually. Plus, Nat has this weird way of knowing everything about people. It’s actually kind of scary.” Steve chuckled.

“Wait, Darcy and Natasha? That’s… kind of terrifying.” Bucky eyed his best friend, not surprised to see Sam nodding in agreement. “But I guess it wouldn’t hurt to talk to Natasha.”

Agreeing to talk to her was one thing, but actually finding the redhead was a completely different story. Surprisingly, he found her in one of the side rooms off of the common area with a book and a cup of tea, looking completely normal instead of the deadly assassin that he knew she was.

“Hey, uh, you got a second?” He hesitated in the doorway until she gave a nod and motioned towards the empty chair in the room.

“I’m assuming this is about Darcy? Steve mentioned that you seemed interested in her.” She carefully marked her place in the book before setting it aside.

“Yeah. I wanted to plan something for her, kind of a date night? I don’t feel comfortable going into the crowds or anything in the city, but still want to make it nice for her. Steve said you might help.”

“I suppose I could, but only because I know that Darcy is interested in you. I made sure she knew what she was interested in, and made her read your file. I won’t apologize for that. But you should know that she gave it back to me and said it changed nothing for her.”

Bucky simply stared at Natasha, not sure how to take that she had given Darcy the file of everything he had done for Hydra, and that it apparently didn’t bother her.

“Jesus. I should be pissed, but… I guess I would have done the same thing. I just… I want to do things right.” He leaned forward towards her, resting his elbows on his knees. “I want a good, memorable first date. Dinner, flowers, music, the works. But I don’t even know her favorite flowers, or what she likes to eat.”

“Chrysanthemums are her favorite flower. Thai is her favorite food. I’ll order that for you, as well as a good dessert. I can make a playlist of the songs I’ve heard her humming or heard her mention.” She narrowed her eyes in thought, gaze shifting to the window. “It’s supposed to be warm tonight. We can set it up on the roof, that way you can finish with starlight dancing. I’ll get her up there, once you have it all ready.”

“I… thank you? I think I feel a little overwhelmed.”

“Good. That means you won’t screw up or do something stupid.”

“Trust me, I’m not going to intentionally.”

“No, you’re not. Because let me tell you this, Barnes. You fuck this up and hurt her? They’ll find your body. They’ll just need DNA to identify it.”

The threat was delivered so casually, but Bucky could see the seriousness behind it in Natasha’s eyes. Bucky took a slow breath, keeping his gaze locked on the woman’s.

“I understand. Just tell me where to be when.”

“I’ll call and get the food delivery set up. Once it’s here, just meet Steve on the roof, and the two of you can set up the table and candles and everything. Flowers will be up there as well.”

Natasha picked up her book and mug, and with a short nod, headed out of the room. Sighing, Bucky leaned back, wondering if he was going to survive the few hours left until his date with Darcy.

He didn’t give himself too much time to think, heading to his apartment and showering. Rubbing his hand over his jaw, he decided against shaving and instead headed over to his closet, eyeing all the clothes that filled it now, all courtesy of Darcy. Pulling out a pair of black dress pants, he decided to keep it simple with a solid black button up as well. Checking his phone when it sounded, he headed up to the roof to meet Steve to set up the date.

The sun was just setting and Bucky’s heart was pounding as he checked his watch for what felt like the hundredth time in the last five minutes. Steve had said that he would give Natasha the all clear to send Darcy to the roof when he’d gone inside a few minutes before, and Bucky found himself waiting for her appearance, the bouquet of flowers in his hand, and the Thai food staying warm under covers on the table.

As the door opened, Bucky’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of Darcy in her curve hugging little dress. He had always thought that she was pretty no matter what she wore, but seeing her make an effort like this, and for him, was breathtaking. A small smile spread across his face at the way that she lit up as he stepped forward, holding out the bouquet of flowers.

“Bucky bear, what is this?” She took the flowers, instantly leaning down to sniff at them before eyeing him curiously.

“Well, I was kind of hoping this could be our first date. I know, you’re probably used to restaurants and everything, but I just… crowds are a bad idea for me still. And then there’s the arm.” He glanced down at the hand of his vibranium prosthetic, which he had left ungloved for the night.

“Dude, I don’t need fancy restaurants, and people around. Besides, if you count movie nights, this is far from our first date.” There was a playful look on her face. “But if you want to say this is our first, you’re going to have to come up with some really good ideas for other dates. Cause rooftop dining? This is amazing.”

The grin only got wider on Bucky’s face, and he held his right hand out to her, leading her over to the table where their food was set up. Tugging her chair out for her, he carefully scooted her back in before settling across from her, glad that Steve had been the one to mess with the music to get it quietly playing in the background. 

“You know, I’d been kind of hoping for this for a while. Ever since you started talking to me willingly, actually.” There was an amused smile playing on her face.

“I had to work myself up to this. Actually, I was gonna talk to you last night, but everyone was hanging around, and I didn’t want an audience.” He gave her a wry grin. “Like I said, not good with crowds.”

“I don’t mind. This is perfect.” 

He couldn’t look away from her as she looked around, the scenery a perfect background for the date, with hundreds of miles of forest surrounding the compound. It gave them the feeling of being alone, even though their friends were all in the building beneath them.

Bucky could barely focus on his shrimp Pad Thai, listening to Darcy talk, and the way she used her hands and fork as she ate her green papaya salad, while telling him about trying to wrangle not only Jane in the science labs, but also Bruce, Tony, and little Shuri. 

“So then, Pepper came up with the brilliant idea of setting up the equipment to do automatic shut downs after they’ve been working for twelve hours. Let me tell you, if you’ve never seen a bunch of whiny scientists, they’re just like whiny toddlers. Of course, they’ll figure out how to override it eventually. My money is on Shuri to figure it out first. She’s sneaky.” Darcy popped her last piece of shrimp in her mouth. “God, that was good. Definitely one of the best first dates ever, Bucky.”

“It’s not over yet.” A small smile played at his lips as he set his own fork down, and picked up the little remote that Steve had left.

Turning the music up a few notches, he stood up, then offered Darcy his hand.

“Dancing too? Holy shit, Bucky.”

“Hey, I’m pretty sure I still remember how to do this, doll.”

Moving a little away from the table, he pulled her in, wrapping his vibranium arm carefully around her waist, the other still holding firmly to her hand as they began swaying to the music. The familiar citrusy scent filled his nose as he closed his eyes, just savoring the feel of Darcy in his arms and pressed into his chest. Waiting a moment before opening his eyes, he looked down at her, not surprised to see her looking up at him. Her full lips were parted, and he could just barely see the endearing little gap between her front teeth. The pull was irresistible as he leaned down, gently brushing his lips over hers once before her hand slipped up into his hair to pull him down for a deeper kiss.

And in that moment, everything felt right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again so much for reading! I hope to start some new works soon. Until then, you can find me on tumblr as yourtoxic-valentine.


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